Why Work-Life Balance is Irrelevant
Here’s what to balance instead for a superior quality of life.
Work-life balance is a myth, not because such a thing cannot exist. Rather, the very “work versus life” dichotomy is misguided.
Who decides how much of life is “work” and how much of work, is “life”?Most well-being literature makes it sound like these are two mutually exclusive activities. In reality, work is a subset of life, not separate from it. Work is too big a part of life to ignore, and all of life takes work. In fact, as we grow wiser and experience more and more of our lives, we come to the disorienting realisation that the boundaries around work and life are fuzzy.
There is nothing exclusively exhausting about work. In fact, it is quite the opposite if you pursue work that aligns with your core purpose. On the flipside, some of the things we do as part of “life” such as walking your dog in the dead of winter or commuting through traffic can be sapping.
My Approach to Balance
Yet, have you noticed that some of the sapping activities don’t feel that way? Here’s the secret -
How we do something is more important than which category (work or life) it falls into.
My personal approach to balance is based on this principle — the “how” matters more than the “what”. It has evolved a great deal over the last decade. Time and again though, I find myself asking questions such as-
Will this activity make me come alive or feel dull? Will this activity bring me back to my centre or imbalance me?
There are a few different heuristics to answer that quickly and decisively. However, before we dive into the rules of thumb, it is important to understand where the real trade-off lies.
The common underlying question that these rules help us answer is trying to find that sweet spot between centreing versus off-centreing experiences.
Here’s another secret — how we balance these changes based on our stage of life and personal growth.
The Model — Pyramid of Balance™
What determines which dichotomy we choose to balance our days along? Do certain types of personalities choose certain ways to balance life?
How do we see-saw?
Observing people living their lives through various ages and stages and taking inspiration from Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, I developed a “Pyramid of balance”. We all bought into the “work versus life” trade-off at some point in our early careers. Not surprisingly, human beings start off focussed on basic needs, and the tool to fulfil those is money. So work versus life was simply a trade-off between activities that made us money versus those that did not.
Over time, and with deeper life experience, our definitions of return on investment (ROI) tend to broaden. Over time, the only thing that matters is — our inner experience.
Regardless of where you find yourself on this pyramid today, the key idea is to navigate up to Buddha Balance. Then, let that balance percolate consistently through different aspects of your life.
Three rules-of-thumb to navigate up the Pyramid of Buddha Balance
1. Online versus offline
Quite contrary to conventional wisdom, I don’t see work and life as trade-offs to be balanced. Instead, the trade-off for me is living in the virtual world or the physical one.
My approach in the last few years has been to balance the digital and “real” world aspects of my life. Work has many real-world elements such as meetings in-person, diving deep into a book and so on that can contribute to our sense of engagement, accomplishment, and growth. And life outside of work has many digital aspects such as, coordinating playdates via texts, conducting research on the health benefits of coconut oil (or any other elixir that fascinates you), and planning and buying tickets for weekend activities that aren’t energizing!
How to create optimal online-offline balance:
An example of how I go about creating a balance is simply to choose the analog version, even if it is less efficient. As a writer, I could type out several hundred words in a jiffy if I used my laptop. Instead, I choose to make my morning writing an energy-giving exercise by using a pen and beautiful stationery.
2. Deep versus shallow work
There are many different ways in which you could frame and manage the trade-offs of your day-to-day experience. Cal Newport in his book “Deep Work” distinguishes between deep and shallow work. More precisely, work that is often cognitively demanding and that brings a sense of satisfaction is “deep” versus shallow work, which resembles administrative tasks.
You might ask, why do any shallow work at all? Newport explains that it is neither necessary nor possible to engage in hours upon hours of deep work because of the sheer brain power it draws. A couple of hours of deep work in my experience is as intensive as an entire day’s worth of shallow tasks. So, a limited amount of mindless tasks brings a necessary balance by allowing our minds to relax.
Yet, if the balance tips too much towards admin tasks taking up most of your day, be it at work or outside of work, you may be on your way to, what one of my friends aptly refers to, as death by admin!
How to create optimal deep-shallow balance:
Newport suggests three different ways in his book to pursue deep work. However, the one that resonates with me the most is to alternate between periods of deep and shallow work. Say, 2 hours of deep work right in the morning and then shallow work during the afternoon, followed by another sprint of a couple of hours just before kids return from school. You could identify your personal peak time of the day and schedule your deep work then.
3. Sedentary versus active living
In my new hometown of Whistler, people carefully monitor how active their day-to-day life is. A stark change from my environment in any other city I have lived in before. This is not merely setting aside an hour of physical activity in your otherwise sedentary day. Instead, Whistlerites consciously balance their living experience to spend time in their natural surroundings, engaged in sport or other such play at every opportunity, and in any weather. It is not uncommon to have business meetings walking along a trail or throw around catchphrases such as “rest is rust” in conversations.
How to create an optimal sedentary- active balance:
The next time you have a one-on-one business meeting, explore if your colleague would be open to discussions while walking around the block. The use of a standing desk and walking/biking to work are other ways to break our sedentary lifestyles.
Regardless of where you find yourself on this pyramid today, the key idea is to navigate up to Buddha Balance. Then, let that balance percolate consistently through different aspects of your life.
For a deeper understanding of the Pyramid and practical tools to navigate it, purchase Prajakta’s new book “Buddha Balance: Work-Life Balance for Professionals and Parents On-The-Go”
Read every story from Prajakta (and thousands of other writers on Medium). Your membership fee directly supports Prajakta and other writers you read. You’ll also get full access to every story on Medium. https://prajakta.medium.com/membership
