Take kids on a behind-the-scenes tour of their family
In preparing for my thrice-weekly video on travel-schooling my kids, I came across this photograph of a mother-and-cub pair while flipping through National Geographic’s “The Wisdom of Moms”. It made me think —
Hmm, wildlife photography and running the family are not too different, are they?
Snow leopards are some of the shyest and the most reclusive of animals. So, it likely took days and days of patient waiting in a very inaccessible location to spot them. Moreover, to capture a mother-cub pair, the photographer must have set up her equipment for days on end in some of the harshest climate in the world. Then came this gem, probably just one of more than a hundred shots she took.
The fabric of family emerges from an equally long production process, doesn’t it? People get to work and school on time, the food appears on the table at the right times, the dishes get done everyday, laundry gets done, all the bills are paid and still everyone seems to be all put together and eager to be having fun with each other. The work that goes into making all of this happen is hardly discernible in the final product. Moreover, we as parents, go to great lengths to give our children a happy, comfortable and magical childhood.
The new, more authentic ‘normal’
That was certainly the case in the old “normal”, the life that we had before social distancing made it imperative to stay indoors. The life where there was a back-stage and the front-stage. As evident from the day-to-day life of this mother of four, things are no longer so clearly separate.
We realized during our travel schooling year that when all the family members are in one space for days on end, curtains get lifted up from many things. While everyone is working and schooling from home, we have no choice but to be our authentic selves. There is no where and no time to hide! There is no way to manufacture a glossed over version of childhood for our children, but there is an opportunity to let them share in something far more valuable — an authentic experience being part of the family. The COVID-19 pandemic and the ensuing phase of social distancing has given us a similar opportunity. This is the chance to let our kids witness how much goes into the running of the family, especially the whole gamut of ups and downs we go through to keep things together. It may be time to let go of the pressure to look and feel all put together like we used to.
Reshaping our children’s understanding of family, and themselves
When everything in the family seems to be done magically, children grow up with a very different understanding of how their family runs. That shapes their expectations of their own selves, now and in the future. They watch things happen at the click of a button and packages arriving from Amazon at their doorstep.
On the contrary, raising children who participate in the manufacturing of their family fabric have a much more authentic view of the world they will eventually face. Moreover, they will have the courage to be their ‘real’ selves when they enter that world.
Being ourselves and feeling all our feelings, liberates our kids to feel all their feelings without judgment, says Dr. Shefali Tsabary, an authority on conscious parenting.
It is time to give our kids a behind-the-scenes tour of their family. It is time that we allow them to go beyond their assigned chores and develop an understanding of the efforts that every member of the family puts in for the magic to happen.
Let them see that just like wildlife photography, families don’t just ‘click’.
